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LA County Museum of Art Buys Rock for $10 Million

For the in-crowd in LA, squandering fortunes is an art.

GUTTERSNIPE LOS ANGELES By Tony Bulmer

Old bag gets a good blow (Clint Eastwood's daughter,
Francesca, burning a  $100,000 handbag for art.)
Marcel Duchamp said, “All art must shock and provoke thought,” which is pretty smart for a guy who in 1917 brought the world of Fine Art a new masterpiece in the shape of a urinal that he signed R.Mutt. Many thought he was taking the piss, which of course, he was.

Fast forward to Los Angeles, 2012, and conceptual art nuisance Michael Heizer has managed to sell the Los Angeles County Museum of Art a 340-ton boulder for an astonishing $10million.

Calling it Levitated Mass, Heizner admitted to Guttersnipe that he has been working on the project for a staggering four decades. The name of the installation derives from the way this modern day Leonardo da Vinci has dug a trench under the giant rock, so it appears to be “floating.” Quite how much of the $10 million he spent on wacky 'backy while thinking up this ingenius idea is open to conjecture.
Rocky Horror show with artist Michael Heizer

Guttersnipe remembers the good old days when art criminals would break into museums and steal stuff rather than charging the art establishment cash money to dump giant rocks in the back yard. For the record, Guttersnipe's connections in the Latino gardening community said they could have done this job for an altogether more reasonable $300.

Heizner and his stoner chums used a 206 wheel 300-foot-long truck to deposit the giant rock on LACMA’s forecourt, bragging that the 150-million-year-old boulder is good for another 3,500 years, at least. Oh good. Longevity is so important.

Eastwood and Shields

Talking of Art, Hollywood poppet and reality show “star” Francesca Eastwood, daughter of long suffering Clint "make my day" Eastwood, has joined the conceptual art bandwagon. Saucy Francesca, nineteen, who has been described somewhat unkindly by certain commentators as, "having a face like a bag of spanners," teamed up with her chinless boyfriend, Tyler Shields, to set fire to a red crocodile Hermès Birkin handbag, which allegedly cost $100,000.

The stylish young “artists” then proceeded to film and photograph this edifying spectacle, so that others might share in this great artistic moment. Apparently death threats have been received [yawn].

Guttersnipe has therefore proposed to the LACMA a new art project, where we roll their giant rock Indiana Jones-style down a hill of their choosing after Eastwood and Shields and see who can run the fastest. Now that is real art, and fun too.

Tony Bulmer is Editor of Crimezine. His latest book SEX NET is available now.


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